For My Own Sanity

Why does everyone assume on New Year's Eve that the coming year will be happy? What if it's not? Do we just say "Happy New Year" to each other with the hopes that it will be happy, or do we just say it to be polite?

Along with most of America I celebrated the first day of 2011 by eating "lucky" foods and spending time with friends and family, but unlike others I was just going through the motions. Inside I was feeling depressed and even gloomy. And who can blame me? On the first day of 2010, I was full of hope and that the coming year would be great. Instead, I lost my beloved dog of 8 years, I lost my Godmother with whom I was just starting to develop a relationship, I lost my job, and to top it off my fiancé postponed our wedding 2 months before the date. So on the first day of 2011, how could I have possibly felt optimistic about the coming year?

On New Year's Day 2010 all the signs told me it was going to be a year to look forward to... I had just gotten back from a great trip to Germany visiting a dear friend, I had also just gotten engaged and I just knew it was going to be a great year for me. But, less than three months later my dog died and so began the downward spiral of 2010. I'm not writing this for sympathy... instead I'm looking for encouragement, or at least a way to cope. I know there are people out there who had a much more devastating 2010 than I did. I know there are people out there suffering and in the kind of pain that words can not express. And, I know that I should consider myself lucky. So, if my brain is aware of all these things... why is it so hard to do?

The only conclusion I can come to is that I'm spoiled, and maybe God's plan for my life doesn't completely match up with my own vision. Unlike the majority of people in this world, I had the great privilege of being born in the United States, I had a very comfortable childhood, my parents paid for my college, and my mother has helped me buy a townhouse and a car! I'm doing better than most people, right? So, what's my problem??? There are probably lots of people who would love to be in my shoes. But, I guess it depends on how you view life. The things I lost in 2010 were mostly relationships - connections to things that enriched my life emotionally, mentally and spiritually. the things I have left - and should be thankful for - are just things. They make my life more convenient and comfortable, but they don't give me any human connections. So, am I really spoiled or just looking for more than just "things" to fill my life?

I think it's probably a combination of both. On the first day of 2011, I tried to be optimistic... thinking to myself, "this year HAS to be better than last year", but in the next second I thought, "but that's what I told myself last year and look how that turned out!" So, the more I think about it, the more I tend to believe that no matter how promising the prospects look, there is no way I can know for sure if this year will be better than last year. What a depressing thought... I want proof! But, maybe having a good or bad year doesn't have anything to do with what actually happens to you, or to others around you. And, maybe it doesn't have anything to do with how many things you have or how successful you become. I'm beginning to think it has everything to do with my attitude. Maybe it's just a matter of taking the bad things in stride and trying to find something good to come out of it. Granted, I may not find the good things right away, but maybe they'll reveal themselves in time...

Have you ever had one of those friends or known one of those people that is always smiling and seems happy all the time? Annoying, aren't they? But maybe those people are on to something. Regardless of how annoying they may be, I would rather be around someone incurably happy rather than someone eternally grouchy. Is there something we can learn from these strange, constantly happy people? How do they do it anyway? My guess is that it all goes back to their attitude. You can make a choice to have a good attitude, and you can also choose to be happy when faced with certain situations. It may not be easy, but the choice is there. Last year my friend, Ryan McCurdy had a serious fall while hiking and suffered a bad injury, but his Twitter post reflects his positive attitude perfectly, "2010 was the year I fell off a waterfall. 2011 is the year I climb back up". Things are going to happen this year that we will have no control over - maybe even bad things. I understand that it's o.k. to be sad in the moment of a bad thing, but is it worth being depressed over on New Year's Day - before it even happens? Obviously, this whole idea of choosing to be happy and having a positive mental attitude doesn't come naturally to me, but in the interest of my own sanity - I think it's worth a try. Who knows... maybe just making this mental switch will have a positive effect on the things in my life that I do have control over.

What about you? Are you willing to take a risk and change your attitude from pessimistic to optimistic? Or are you content waiting for the bad things to come and miss out on the good things that could have come.